Kids

(Verse 1)

I  would love to have you but who am I kidding/
Did  I lied to myself in dear future children?/
Maybe we were never meant for this lifetime/
Or maybe I need to wait until it's the right time/
I'm  not optimistic/
Maybe  the problem is/
My own fears are the very thing that's stopping this/
And  that is opposite to everything that I want in me/
It's not what I wanna be or what I wanna see/
Sometimes I wonder do i need to summon thee/
Courage to not fall apart when I talk about this/
Is  having you irresponsible if that is possible/
Then tell me how having you in anyway optimal/
Not saying I don't want you I'm saying don't want you/
To have parents who can't raise you put upon you/
That would haunt you how do I respond to/
These questions that my mind has gone to/

I cry the pain away from the back of the car/
Writing late at night with my hat on in the dark/
Could this be the end or just growing pains/
Between you and me I don't want you knowing pain/
What if the Fear and doubt are the only thing/
Or only pain gripping my throat as I try to swallow/
It's insane to know I'm going down a dark road/
Maybe we don't coincide I'll only know in time/
Only time will tell but I feel is a slow divide/
I can fake it I'm breaking for heavens sake what am I saying/
Sometimes I feel not having you would be murder/
Did you hear that? I could've swore that i heard her!/
These are the voices I hear on this cursed earth/
Maybe in time God will show me if I should have kids/
But for now I'll continue to live inside all this madness/
As I struggle to question my depressing sadness/

(Chorus)

I'm sorry but I hope you guys try to hear me out/
I get it cause even I don't even wanna hear me now/
Kids aren't an easy thing/
Kids are scary to me/
It's one thing to give a ring/
But to care for a new being/
Is an overwhelming thought/
I beg you please tell me God/
What am I to do will she refuse to marry/
The more I think about it it's all the more scary/
The more tearing me apart/
Will I ever get married?/

I'm sorry that I'm writing this but it is my heart/
And giving that and talking I can't tear apart/
Kids aren't an easy thing/
Kids are scary to me/
It's one thing to give a ring/
But to care for a new being/
Is an overwhelming thought/
I beg you please tell me God/
What am I to do will she refuse to marry/
The more I think about it its all the more scary/
The more tearing me apart/
Will I ever get married?/

(Verse 2)

I was just kid when I wanted one of my own/
And that desire is something I will never disown/
If I'm honest thinking of you gets me feeling alone/
Then I feel guilty for my thoughts being in that zone/
It's hard when you feel incompetent/
I wish I felt the opposite/
Pretty lonely without you in my life/
They say "man you don't want a wife"/
I think of having one every day in night/
If you were in my life I wonder what you'd say to me/
Lonely feeling like people hang around cause there paid to me/
Maybe the purpose of your life is to pass it on/
Maybe the purpose of mine is to have a son/
Guys are just looking for a body to have some fun/
I promise that is not me cause life has taught me/
That I am to be bigger than the possibility of failing which is probably entailing having kids and being a dad who is godly/

You got me maybe fear is just apart of the process/
And failing as a parent is something we must accept/
I hope my best efforts are something to be proud of/
Maybe me as a father is what you won't look down on/
Just know I tried despite being wrong some of the time/
When you become a father and feel the pressure to provide/
You'll connect what I am saying to the fact that I tried/
And not be upset at the mistakes I had in your life/
So before I finish this letter and finally say goodbye/
I want you to that I am proud to call you mine/
Time to put this song away into a file I'll keep for you/
Just know your not a mistake your what I wanted/
So until you are born I'll continue the journey alone/
Actually not alone but I prefer to keep that private/
What I want you to see is not just what I want to be/
It's the pain and struggle and having kids will be one of these/

(Chorus)

I'm sorry but I hope you guys try to hear me out/
I get it cause even I don't even wanna hear me now/
Kids aren't an easy thing/
Kids are scary to me/
It's one thing to give a ring/
But to care for a new being/
Is an overwhelming thought/
I beg you please tell me God/
What am I to do will she refuse to marry/
The more I think about it it's all the more scary/
The more tearing me apart/
Will I ever get married?/

I'm sorry that I'm writing this but it is my heart/
And giving that and talking I can't tear apart/
Kids aren't an easy thing/
Kids are scary to me/
It's one thing to give a ring/
But to care for a new being/
Is an overwhelming thought/
I beg you please tell me God/
What am I to do will she refuse to marry/
The more I think about it its all the more scary/
The more tearing me apart/
Will I ever get married?/