Journal Entry

[Verse 1]
Dear Journal, wait, who should this be to?
Cause I know I'm the only one who's going to read you
But anyway I'm living in this world, thinking about hell, and if it's really better here
Cause I would give my life for people who were never there
Well, to be honest I don't even want this life
I constantly think about if I should live another night
Because it seems like pain follows me everywhere I go
And this time I don't think I can be saved by the stereo
But I can't let myself break down
Looking in a mirror like can I really be great now
Can I really love when all I feel is hate while?
I'm dying on the inside and wearing a fake smile
I don't know the definition of a friendship
Because I haven't had a friend since the moment I began this
Which was four years ago when all I did was resented
Myself and my whole life, I just wanted to end it
In a blaze of glory
Maybe people wouldn't ignore me
But it doesn't matter because no one would ever adore me
I guess I'm forgettable like Dory
I just want to be the author of my story
Why should I put on a facade, to get a girl to like me?
Really? Is she a God? That's very unlikely
Growing up I was so fragile
And now I'm just isolated in a capsule
And I'm so fed up with society
Every single person on this earth always lies to me
They always try to shoot down what I try to be
But they have no idea about what I can be
But really, what is that?
Cause they always say I won't be anything, but is it fact?
Please tell me it isn't true
And is there someone I can talk to that isn't you?
And that's not to say I don't enjoy telling you about my stories
I just wanna know if there's more for me
Please tell me that there is more
Anyways, I gotta go, sincerely yours


[Verse 2]
I'm back, and now I understand
That you are not a man
Or a woman, you're just paper under my hand, that I write on with pen
Anyways, guess what happened to me today at school?
You're right! I got rejected again, this time cause she thinks I'm not cool
Yo, what kind of BS is that?
Remember that one class everyone hates me in? I got a F in that
This one person I love who helped me find my faith
And right now she is about 900 miles away
I don't think I'll ever get to see her gorgeous face again
And I don't think I'm meant for this place I'm in
All my life I just wanted to give
But how can I call this a life, when I don't get to live?
I swear everyone just wants me dead
They would just watch me as I bled
And they would just watch me as I cried
So what's gonna stop them from watching me as I die?
There's this one girl I want but she doesn't feel the same
And I just feel a way every time I hear her name
And I feel like, wait I know she derserves better
I wanna give her something as beautiful as her and maybe that'll tell her
That I'm the guy for her, well maybe I am not
I remember people told me stop crying like that would make me stop
I ask why? They say cause you're a guy, I thought you should know this
I don't want to live in a world where a human can't have emotion


[Outro]
I can't even fully express how I feel right now because it's not the manly thing to do. Apparently all humans aren't supposed to love, hate, cry, or express any emotion. I can't even express myself to a journal anymore because I just blocked all my emotions off, and that's the most hurtful thing ever. Sincerely.......... I don't know anymore