The Day After That

[ENSEMBLE]
Break-ing news!

[REPORTER #1]
Welcome to a live coverage of the Whitewater scandal!
We're asking the tough questions

[REPORTER #2]
Was the president involved in Whitewater?

[REPORTER #3]
Was there a cover above Whitewater?

[REPORTER #4]
And most critically-
What even is Whitewater?

[WJ CLINTON]
What? I just told you!

[REPORTER #2]
Does it have to do with branding?

[WJ CLINTON]
What?

[REPORTER #5]
It's a beach resort, I think?

[HILLARY CLINTON]
No, it's not...

[REPORTER #3]
Is it that abandoned water park
Or a flavored water drink?

[HILLARY CLINTON]
No, I told you, it's-

[ENSEMBLE]
Break-ing news!

[REPORTER #3]
Nobody has any idea what Whitewater is!
But it doesn't matter that we have no clue
'Cause we can keep pretending that we do!

[ENSEMBLE]
Come watch our rolling coverage here!
We'll find the truth-

[REPORTER #6]
Let's hope it's risqué!

[BILLY CLINTON]
Risqué!

[ENSEMBLE]
This is the story of the year
And we're staying with this story all day!
And tomorrow!
And the day after that!

Break-ing news!

[REPORTER #7]
The president's approval rating has fallen twenty points!

[BILLY CLINTON]
I can help you get it up!

[REPORTER #2]
We're a tiny bit confused...

[BILLY CLINTON]
Me too

[REPORTER #5]
Tell us: What have you done wrong?

[BILLY CLINTON}
You tell me!

[REPORTER #3]
We would if you would tell us!

[BILLY CLINTON]
What?

[REPORTER #2]
Or we'll keep this going on!

[ENSEMBLE]
Break-ing news!

[REPORTER #1]
In an update to our rolling coverage:
There's... nothing to update!

[REPORTER #8]
It may be a case where nothing will arise...
But we will bring that nothing to your eyes!

[ENSEMBLE]
Come watch us as we bring him down!
And then we will be heading her way!-

[HILLARY CLINTON]
No more questions!

[ENSEMBLE]
Come watch us as we go to town!
'Cause we're staying with this story all day!
And tomorrow!
And the day after that!
And the day after that!

[REPORTER #4]
Let's hear it from our political experts for an intense analysis
Mark, what exactly is Whitewater?

[MARK]
Whitewater is the drug dealer on your corner, (Ecstasy!)
Whitewater is the deadly still of crude, (?) (Student loans!)
Whitewater is your pregnant teenage daughter, (Abortion!)
Whitewater is your dream that won't come true!

[REPORTER #4]
And there you have it
Whitewater is destruction of civilization as we know it

[REPORTER #6]
Mister president, will you be appointing a special prosecutor?

[BILLY CLINTON]
To do what?

[REPORTER #2]
To investigate Whitewater?

[BILLY CLINTON]
What?

[REPORTER #5]
To exhibit some confessions?

[BILLY CLINTON]
To what?

[REPORTER #3]
Someone has to be appointed!

[BILLY CLINTON]
Why?

[REPORTER #5]
There are still unanswered questions!-

[REPORTER #4]
Like what the fuck is Whitewater!?

[ENSEMBLE]
Don't re-fuse!

[WJ CLINTON]
I'm not refusing!-

[REPORTER #5]
Oh- the president is refusing to appoint a special prosecutor!

[ENSEMBLE]
So, the press will have to investigate themselves...
So there won't be time to cover anything else...
Like healthcare!

[WJ CLINTON]
Son of a bitch!

[ENSEMBLE]
Come watch us as our ratings soar!
My show is next, so don't go away! (Stay tuned!)
Even if you say, 'Please, no more!'
We'll be staying with this story all day!
And tomorrow!
And the day after that!


[WOMEN]
And the day after-
And the day after-
And the day after- [HILLARY CLINTON]
And the day after- And the day
And the day after- [MEN]
And the day after- The day-

[ENSEMBLE]
After that!
And the day after that!
And the day after that!

[BILLY CLINTON]
And the day after that